March

in like a lion; out like a lamb
or... was it the other way around?

March 4 - Shaniel's birthday

Such a bittersweet day. We shouldn't have to celebrate Shaniel's birthday without her. It's not right. It's not fair. We did the best we could in spite of it. We celebrated Shaniel style. 

Favorite way to cook: eat out!
Favorite food: Chinese
Favorite drink: Pepsi
Favorite color: Purple

Read about Shaniel's birthday party HERE

March 7-10 - Pinkie Promise trip to St. George, Utah

Again... bittersweet. Our trip; planned with Shaniel, but without her. We made sure it was going to be a good trip. Shaniel looked so forward to it. As, did her children. Amie and Clint brought Morgann, Carson, Tianna, and Tera. And will from now on. So thankful for that. Audrey, Mike, Alia, Ben, Emilee, and myself met them their Thursday night. We stayed until Sunday.

We vacationed Shaniel style!

Stayed at: Hampton Inn (indoor and outdoor pools

Ate: out!

Shopped: at the Mall

Hiked: in the heart of St. George... the red rocks of Fat Man's Crack

Played: at Fiesta Fun Center - arcade and soft play

Sunday: spent the morning on the St. George temple grounds

See the entire Pinkie Promise trip to St. George HERE

March 12 - half a year!

Emilee turned another month older. Her personality is so distinct. She is joyful, curious, happy, cuddly, lovey. Always smiling. A joy in my life! She has a grandma characteristic. She moves her feet constantly! One day when Audrey was holding her on her hip, Emilee was swinging her leg back and forth. Wildly! It was so funny.

March 12 - Logan Temple

It was a very good morning. I spent it at the Logan temple. The temple.... a place of peace. A place of learning. A place of love. Beautiful! A place to reflect and think about all the blessings I have in my life because of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I think about our Savior and his atoning sacrifice for me. My cares and sorrows are left at the door. I find strength and courage to go on. To have hope. Have faith. A glorious new day begins again.

March 17-20 - 

The last time I would ever go to Shaniel's house again. It was sad. But I closed the door... and never want to go back. We finished packing the house up.

We stayed at Amie's house. She and Clint made us feel welcome. Tinkerbell (Amie's little, tiny dog that wouldn't hurt a flea) tried to be, too.  Alia and Ben were terrified of her. So for the entire stay, we heard wailing, screaming, crying. They ran from one room to the other just to avoid the little dog-rat that hardly made herself visible. I think Tink was glad to finally see us leave.

We went to Shaniel's grave. It is so strange. It doesn't seem real. Still. I can't even bring myself to think on it. I start to panic inside when I do. Have I blocked it from my mind? The reality of it? Sometimes I wonder if I believe it's true. That's she is gone. I don't think I am unhealthy about it. Maybe it's still part of the grieving process. Some times I cry a little. Some times I cry a lot. Some times not at all. I'm all mixed up. Not sure when life is going to get real for me.

We went to mom and dad's grave. I love the Wellington City Cemetery. It is so peaceful. It it is protected by the big trees that surround it. It seems like visiting grave yards is becoming a habit of mine. 

I bought Shaniel's car on this trip. Hoping she will ride with me once in awhile. But really, it's mostly to keep it around so when Morgann turns sixteen in a couple of years, she can have her mother's car. It will bring me comfort while I drive it, and I think it will bring Morgann comfort, as well. 

Double Take

It happened all around town. Sitings of Shaniel's car. Audrey. Sweater. Sunglasses. Ponytail. Double-jointed fingers. We pulled up to CNS (Community Nursing Services), parked, and took some pictures. Audrey was standing at the drivers side door, dressed in Shaniel's sweater, looking at the building. Sunglasses on, hair pulled back into a ponytail. I didn't realize we resurrected... Shaniel. Or, so, that is what people were thinking. Is that Shaniel? they would ask excitedly. Could it really be her? The girls at CNS were so taken back that Shaniel's car was in the parking lot and someone that looked just like her was standing next to it. They all had to come out, do a double take, and see if it were true. Was it true?  It was Audrey... Shaniel's look-alike. Thank goodness. It brought so much comfort to the girls. They even asked if Audrey had the double jointed fingers like Shaniel. And... oh, yes, she does! They enjoyed Audrey making her fingers bend at the joint and look all weird. Just like Shaniel. They said Audrey could be a permanent fixture at the place. Hugs and tears!!

Inside we looked around at the place Shaniel called home for many years. There was a special spirit there. I could feel it so strong. We visited with her friends, Charity, Tesa, and Amber. They were so sweet and shared memories and experiences they had with Shaniel. We shed many tears. They shared a very special moment that happened during the services. 

When Shaniel's casket was brought in the chapel, an old gentleman (one of Shaniel's patient's), stood up on his feet. He had to have help. He couldn't do it on his own.Two people on either side of him, put their arms around him and raised him up and kept him there. He stood! The respect, the love, this man had for Shaniel was incredible. It testify's to Shaniel's genuine love for her patients. 

Shaniel's desk was just like it was when she worked there. No one could bring themselves to moving anything. Today, we worked together, packed up her items one by one. Talking about everything. Being at Shaniel's work, with her friends and co-workers, was a highlight of the trip to Price. 

Some things in the works.... a 5K run dedicated to Shaniel will be held in Price, in October. 

Also, CNS will be sponsoring a Christmas tree, that the girls and I will put together this year for the Festival of Trees. It will be dedicated to Shaniel with an awareness on domestic violence and battered women. 

Another thing... I have been so inspired by the compassion and love surrounding the care of the elderly, that I will soon train to become a Hospice volunteer. I am looking forward to it. I watched Shaniel with grandma. She was so tender with her. It was spiritual. It was special. I want to feel that. And I want to feel Shaniel's spirit with me.

March 21 - Kelsey's birthday

Kelsey looking at yard art

I  don't even know how it's possible that Kelsey turned 37 years old today. I married Dave when I was 36 years old. I let Kelsey drive Shaniel's car all day. We went to Odgen to a nursery. Valley View Nursery in Unitah. We talked to them about designing a Shaniel garden for each of us. They are... free of charge. They were so taken by reasons for the garden, that they couldn't think of a better thing to do. They came out to the house, took pictures, and are in the process of designing a beautiful garden surrounding the pergola. Kelsey's Shaniel garden is going to be on the south side, in a corner, next to the house.

We browsed Rainbow Gardens, a unique vintage mall at the mouth of Odgen canyon. We looked at all the colorful and fun Spring items. We ate lunch at Costa Vita, our favorite place. Sweet pork burrito with sweet peach and mango salsa... yumm!

Arrow of Light

Later that evening, we went to Brayden's Arrow of Light ceremony. It was awesome. Brayden worked hard, with mom's diligence to make it happen, and it paid off. All the other boys wondered why they didn't earn something that neat. Well... you have to work real hard at it! 

Brayden was the star of the evening. He lit each candle as his leader led us in the ceremony of the Arrow of Light. Not only was  he presented with awards, but his parents also gave him an authentic arrow that will hang in his room. 

Way to go Brayden! I am so proud of him. Love that boy!

March 25 - FHE

Mike is taking the farm for the next two seasons while Dave is in Germany. That means he comes up periodically to learn from Dave. Tonight, we fertilized the trees. I drove the tractor, the guys did the work. 

Afterwards, Audrey gave us a 5 minute family night lesson. That's all we needed. It was a lesson on Easter and the resurrection of Jesus. She did a visual lesson by using a glove (representing the body) and the hand (representing the spirit). We sang a couple of songs and colored Easter eggs. Fun night! I can't wait until they get to stay with me in the house for a few months.

March 26 - burning branches

I love Spring! The smell of burning branches. There's nothing better!

March 27 - Banana Stand

Shaniel's banana stand. She had it on the counter in between the stove and the fridge. She always had a bunch of banana's hanging on it. It now sits on my counter. Another memory of Shaniel that I would rather not have. I'd rather have her.

March 30 - Bothwell Easter

I love Bothwell. I love that it's out in the country. The church house and park are right next to each other. They are surrounded by farm land on all sides. It's beautiful! They celebrate old fashioned style. It is so much fun. The town's people bring their farm animals for the kids to touch, pet, and ride. The Easter egg hunt is always full of surprises. 

Alia rode the pony this year... that was huge! Emilee was constantly wiggling and moving her feet in all directions. I couldn't resist getting a picture of her wiggly feet in her cut little shoes.

March 31 - Easter at grandma's

We added a new tradition to this year's Easter. Telling the story of the resurrection using plastic eggs, scriptures written on paper, and items to represent it. It was a perfect way to keep the kids attention and make learning fun. Finding the numbered resurrection eggs was part of the Easter egg hunt. 

Read all about this year's Easter HERE

Month in Review