A difficult post today... I called Leslie first thing in the morning to see how mom was doing. Leslie had left mom sleeping soundly at the Nursing Home and went to the house to shower and get ready for the day. Our conversation was one of doubt, fear, and a little panic over her medication changes.
I packed my bag to stay until my mother's death. Horrible. But I knew in my heart that it was going to happen. It took me awhile to get everything packed. At around 12:30 p.m. Leslie called and asked if I had left yet. She sounded stressed. She said mom did not look good. She wanted me to hurry. I felt like I needed to hurry. By the time I stopped for gas and got a bite to eat, it was around 2:00 when I left Ogden. I stopped at Deseret Book Company in Spanish Fork to pick up a couple of books to read over the next couple of weeks while I tended to mom's side at the Nursing Home.
I got to Price around 6:00 p.m. and went straight to the Nursing Home. When I entered the room, Kelley and Leslie were on either side of mom, holding her hands and crying. I panicked and raced to their sides, asking "what's wrong?". Mom said "Carol, you're always late". We had a good laugh. Kelley said mom had just got through having a catheter put in. It took awhile and hurt her very badly. Mom cried out "Gethsemane" a couple of times. Leslie ran far away from the room so she could not hear mom's cries. Kelley was following, but abruptly went back in to hold mom's hand and comfort her. She knew mom needed her. I'm so grateful that she did. Mom was shaking so bad after that experience. It was so hard, not only on mom, but Kelley and Leslie too.
Leslie had mom tell me who she heard and saw earlier in the morning. "Dad!" My heart was full of joy! Mom had waited so long for this moment... for dad to come and get her. She needed that reassurance that he was there, he loved her, and would take her home. It was earlier in the morning, just after Leslie got back to the Nursing Home, she walked into mom's room to hear her calling "Jim, Jim, is that you?" Dad was calling her name. Mom drifted off to sleep and woke a short time later. "I saw dad. He told me he had come for me last night, but there was too much chaos in the room and I couldn't hear him." She told Leslie "it has started."
Mom was concerned that one of Natalie's boys had drowned. We had her talk to Bill on the phone to reassure her that no one had. I called Shaniel and asked her to come up and look at mom's urine bag. The urine was so dark. Mom lost a lot of fluid very fast once the catheter was put in... three liters, which is very dangerous in itself. They had to clamp the catheter off after each liter flushed out of her body.
Shaniel came up to the Nursing Home to check on mom. Mom said "Shaniel, is that you", with glazzed over eyes. "Yes, grandma, it's me". Shaniel rubbed grandma's arm, kissed her, and told her she loved her. Those were grandma's last words. We didn't know it at the time. She drifted off to sleep. Shaniel left around 7:00 p.m.
Not too long after, Kelley and I went to her house to fix supper and bring some back up to Leslie. I was going to sleep next to mom tonight while Kelley and Leslie went out to mom's house to clean and organize and put some important boxes away.
We got back to the Nursing Home around 9:00 p.m. Leslie had put the nurses off from giving mom her pain medication just minutes before. She was sleeping soundly and Leslie felt uneasy about having her get another dose. Leslie ate her dinner, and us three girls were quietly visiting on the bed. Our conversation was concentrated on our desire for our mother to have a sweet, quiet, peaceful surrounding when she passed. The aides came in around 9:30 p.m. to change mom's position in bed. She moaned out in pain. Shortly after, the nurse came in with a syringe and slowly dropped the medication into her mouth. She was not swallowing it. They swabbed her mouth. She was not responding to it. Was she just so, so sleepy? The nurse checked mom's respiration's by placing her hands on her chest, watching her stomach, and timing her breaths per minute. She said it was good. Us three girls went back to visiting quietly on the bed next to her.
At 10:00 p.m., something was different. We looked over at mom at the exact same time. We rushed to her side in a panic. She was leaving us! So suddenly, without warning. We girls linked arms and prayed over our mother, thanking Heavenly Father for her. We were so blessed to have her as our mother. We knew mom's time had come. The nurse was called in. She confirmed our fears. Mom displayed the last signs of life, which could last anywhere from several hours up to a week. Leslie called Bill and Steven. The nurse left the room for us to have privacy with our mother. There were sobs, pleadings to our Father In Heaven to relieve her suffering and take her home, and continual prayers of gratitude for the privilege of having her as our mother. Mom took another breath, clenched her jaw, as if she were pushing her spirit out of her body. The nurse was called back in. Another breath 2 minutes later. A tear ran down mom's right cheek. Another 4 minutes went by without a breath. She was gone. Our mother was gone. Mom courageously and sweetly passed from this life, through the veil, and entered into the presence of our Father In Heaven at 10:20 p.m.
Mother.... oh, how I love you!
1 comment:
It was a very hard moment--I miss her every day. How are you doing?
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